Friday, September 24, 2010

Saturday, September 18, 2010

Scriabin - Etude op. 42 no. 5 C sharp minor - Neuhaus

It Will Only Get Worse

When I’m standing in front of the icebox I don’t know whether I came to put something in it or take something out.  At the mailbox, I can’t remember if I wanted to put a letter in or get the mail. These days I don’t think very well. It confuses me, all this forgetting.

Mother reads the yellowed letter in a singsong voice, the one she uses when she does not comprehend the words. I wonder how she can recognize the letters without attaching meaning.

This morning, she had been surprised to find her grandmother’s letter at the bottom of her drawer.  “How did THAT get in there?” she said, digging deeper into the pile of costume jewelry and lace handkerchiefs, as if the answer could be found there.

I help her retrace events, since the brain unravels backward. When your mother died…
Mother’s DEAD?
You went through her things, don’t cry, it was long ago…
How do YOU know? Were you there?
You couldn’t bear to throw anything that smelled like her away, so you brought it all home.
I don’t know this. How do I know?

I met my great-grandmother only once, when she was 94 and in a nursing home. She still had blond in her braid and a sweet smile. She also had Alzheimer’s, and a daughter who cared for her until her death.

I watch my mother put the letter in a glass bowl on her dresser.  Is she remembering the wood bowl in the kitchen where we once kept the day’s letters? She picks the pages up and carries them carefully to the refrigerator. She tucks them in the freezer and quietly closes the door.

Friday, September 10, 2010

Poem with Radiometer


Four vanes pierced by a spindle,
a cotillion in black and white.
Moving in atmosphere lighter than air,
one searches out the other moving away.

As inside the glass, outside. You move slowly
through me, and light bounces from one skin
to the other, a kind of feint. To kick at the shadows
becomes a function of how we breathe.

But what muscles the endless spin?
Dark hides from light as light pursues it.
You knuckle your eyes in disbelief, saying it’s dangerous
to stand this close to such a rapidly rotating truth.

If this was an experiment, it could be extrapolated
to metaphor. We think: it takes opacity to capture light.
We think: if only the clouds did not erase the sun,
we could quantify forever.

Wednesday, September 01, 2010