Wednesday, August 14, 2013

Composing a Poem


Our  ninety two year old mother broke her hip last spring. She is a modest woman, but one day she wanted to show me her scar. Why would she do that?  And how could I describe it?   How much history should I include - for instance, should I let the reader know she has Alzheimer's?  I decided to open with the moment itself:
 I'm taking everything off/ she announces, clawing at her clothes/ 

The verbs point to her loosened inhibitions and the quality of her thinking. This is no stripper. There is no playfulness in it.

Moving to a description (a new scar gleams on her mended hip) that is stark and unsparing, the poem finds its identity in this line: Where did this come from, where is it going?

I needed to make clear the loss of memory here, the shock that recurs each time a patient is confronted with what she has already grieved over.

The reader's attention now focuses on the scar, described with the brusque-sounding "cross-hatched" and its location on the ruins of the body.

A cross-hatched seam
in the center of a body's landslide.
A cradle for children, a long-ago man; a broken wing.

We follow as the old woman touches her scar, and when the cross-hatch pattern of the scar is likened to "A railroad crossing pocked with stop signs./A fire escape going down.// the poem demands that the reader not flinch from the images of exit.

Ninety

I'm taking everything off
she announces, clawing at her clothes.
A new scar gleams on her mended hip.
Where did this come from, where is it going?

A cross-hatched seam
in the center of a body's landslide.
A cradle for children, a long-ago man; a broken wing.

She begins brailing her fingertip down
the red raised tracks. It's not what she expected.
A railroad crossing pocked with stop signs.
A fire escape going down.

(poem published in THIS literary journal)

2 comments:

bbonnell said...

IM INTO BRAQUE RIGHT NOW and can see (hear) the change of spaces. the adjacent background touching something in its own world.

Cheryl and Janet Snell said...

Cool observation. Tell us more!